Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Twitter update

I have NO IDEA when my last Twitter update was, since my old blog is gone, so i'm just going to go back to, let's say...January, and just do all of 2014. Since i didn't do much tweeting this year.
  • Juanito just backed up the pictures on my computer. 217,000, according to him. That's a lot of pictures.
  • Not to brag, but Juanito and i just got a score of 60 in the fast pass level of Hyperslide.
  • Me: "Katrina, there aren't any Asian American Girl dolls, are there?" Zane: "Or ALIEN American Girl dolls." I think he's missing the point.
  • Zane just sobbed at me, "Mommy? Sometimes i feel like a shower is the worst thing in the world."
  • Katrina's singing her heart out to the Frozen CD. Love it.
  • Just showed my kids an episode of the 3 Stooges. Their reaction: "Well. That was...weird."
  • Zane ate breakfast and five minutes later came down to ask for a snack. He never stops eating, this boy!
  • Guinea pig i was holding just yawned. THE CUTENESS!
  • Me: "Spring is the best season, and anyone who disagrees is wrong." Katrina: "That's a false generalization." Yes. But i'm still right.
  • It's never going to not be snowy. The snow will be here forever and ever and ever. The end.
  • Katrina and Zane are outside playing in the blizzard. I, on the other hand, am curled up inside, glaring at the snow through the window.
  • It's a snow day and almost 30 degrees, so i sent my kids outside to play. They all want to come in because they're "too hot."
  • Pet peeve: When children ask a question and then run away before i've finished answering.
  • Zane: "Touch my tongue." Me: "Ew. No." Z: "If you don't like tongues, why do you have one?" Me: "B/c it's useful." Z: "To tongue kiss?"
  • Four kids in family room playing Truth or Dare. Me: "Where's Zane?" From upstairs Zane calls, "I'm up here. Feeling lonely." So...come down?
  • Katrina: "I keep leaving things places on the coffee table, and then they disappear!" Me: "So...do you think you should stop leaving them?" Her: Blank stare.
  • In the past half hour: 1. K & Z repeatedly bonked butts chanting, "Booty, booty," & 2. Houston rubbed my face with a rag he'd cleaned the toilet with. So. This is what parenting is like.
  • Snow, snow, snow. I kind of hate everyone who lives in warm climates right now.
  • I'm making Zane work on his poster for school. He has to color in a presidential seal. "This is the worst day of my LIFE."
  • Just made Katrina try on all of her summer stuff to see what still fits. The answer: Not much. She has grown a TON this year!
  • It's warm and my windows are all open and it's ah-maaaaa-zing.
  • Me: "Would you watch the kids for a few hours on our anniversary?" Her: "Why don't you just bring them over the night before?" My mom rocks.
  • The best part about chewing gum at the farmer's market is that i have an excuse to not try foods i know i don't like.
  • Me: "Jehovah's Witnesses are coming! Pretend we're not here!" Houston: "What do JWs look like? And why are you scared of them?"
  • I know that i sound like a broken record, but WHYYYYYY do people wait until midnight to set off loud fireworks? I do not understand!
  • Zane: "Does Elvis Presley sing 'Can't Touch This'?"
  • Juanito, talking to Zane about hair: "When i was little, everyone had shaggy hair. But nowadays, you can CHOOSE if you want shaggy hair." Zane: "And be like, SO 80's, Dude?"
  • I'm blatantly ignoring the school's request and am reading "The Outsiders" with Houston. I've been waiting and waiting to read it with him.
  • School day 2: Katrina's home sick with a fever. She's so sad - this'll the first year in 4 years she won't have perfect attendance.
  • Okay, but seriously, why can't they make a bathroom cleaner spray bottle that still works when you tilt it down?
  • I'm never as fully aware of my loser-ness as when i get all teary, listening to country music.
  • Teaching Katrina to crochet. I forget how hard it is to learn crocheting! She's sobbing into her needle, "I can't hold on to anything!"

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Interview time with the kids

How do you know who to marry?
Zane: Because you are really, really good friends.
Katrina: If they're friendly and nice and you like them and you've known them for at least two years. And someone who's at least your age.
Houston: You like them so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

How old should you be when you get married?
Zane: 30, because it seems like a good age.
Katrina: You should start dating when you're 18 and get married when you're at least 25.
Houston: At least 25, because it seems more mature than 18.

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
Zane: If they're like, kissing.
Katrina: They kiss and hug and hold hands and like each other a lot and spend a lot of time together. And they have kids, probably.
Houston: If they kiss each other on the lips and then hold hands.

What do most people do on a date?
Zane: Kiss. Or go out to eat and kiss.
Katrina: Smooch. Go to a fancy restaurant. Talk.
Houston: Eat. Watch a movie. Go to the symphony.

What would you do on a date if you realized you didn't like the guy/girl?
Zane: Walk away. And then drive away in the car. And then never talk to that person again.
Katrina: Stop talking and say i'm tired and that i should probably head home now.
Houston: I would wait until the end and then politely tell her that i'm busy.

When is it okay to kiss someone?
Zane: If you're married, or if it's your mom or people in your family.
Katrina: When you're definite that you're going to marry them or after you're married, like at a wedding and all the time after that.
Houston: When you have known each other for at least 6 months. And have been dating and liking each other for at least 6 months.

How would the world be different if people didn't get married?
Zane: There wouldn't be as many people, because people who are married have children, and then the children have children when they're married.
Katrina: There would be zero people, because when you get married the girl gets pregnant and has a baby. Like, after nine months.
Houston: There would be no children and everything would die out because there would be no children.

Is it better to be single or married?
Zane: Married, so that you have someone to talk to and you're never bored.
Katrina: I don't know. Because if i get married and have a baby, then it would be hard to take care of it and i'd be up at the crack of dawn each day.... Being single would be peaceful.
Houston: Married, because then you have somebody to be happy with.

How do you have a happy marriage?
Zane: By having kids and then playing with them and having a joyful life.
Katrina: You are sure that you like him and you are sure that you are going to be happy with that person for the rest of your life.
Houston: You like each other a lot and you don't stay away for years and you don't sit around all day and watch TV. 

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

In which i wreck the car. Sort of.

I just totally wrecked our car. If by "wrecked" you mean "damaged." And by "totally" you mean "kind of."

I blame the every-other-side-of-the-street parking.

So here's what happened: I was going to book club, and the van was parked in-between the neighbor's van and our blue car. It's November, which means we can only park on one side of the street, so if i took the van, i'd have to come back and parallel park it. So i took the blue car. Less gas that way too!

Except that then after book club, the car totally wouldn't start. The windshield wipers worked fine, and the lights, and the radio. So... not the battery. I tried turning it off and starting it. And then doing that again three or four times. Nothing.

I called Juanito and was all, "Um...is there a trick i need to know? Why isn't the car starting?" He was all, "The VAN!???" Apparently the blue car has been having troubles of which i knew nothing.

Beth's driveway (book club was at her house) is narrow and has a drop off on one side, so i couldn't just push the car and hope for the best or walk next to it or whatever. I put it in neutral, but it didn't roll AT ALL, so i opened the car door and pushed the car backwards with my foot, trying to start it every few seconds.

And then i thought, "Hey. Beth's driveway suddenly goes down while the lawn stays flat, and that'll be a problem" at the exact moment that it became a problem. And then i panicked JUST enough to not hit the brake fast enough to stop it from being a problem. The door caught on the grass, but the car kept rolling backwards, and the door totally bent the wrong way before i could stop the car. And then it was stuck and i couldn't close it, so i got out to force it closed (gouging Beth's lawn in the process), and then couldn't get in, and .... I've never wrecked a car before. I wasn't being totally logical.

I started unlocking doors to find a way in and accidentally honked the horn, at which point Beth came out and was all, "???" and then i called Juanito back to tell him that i'd totally bent the door backwards, and that i was EVEN MORE STRANDED, so he came to rescue me and Beth let me sit on her couch.

And now i'm all irritated with myself for being stupid, and Juanito's all happy that the car is more damaged. Because when it's a total mess, he gets to paint it something ridiculous. Like...flat black with a huge Hello Kitty or something.